GOOD FRIDAY…PAINFUL BUT MEANINGFUL

by Bogs Dancel

I had an early Good Friday morning laugh, when I received this text message:

Erap to Cardinal: Hanggang ngayon galit pa ang simbahan sa akin. This is unfair!
Cardinal: Bakit mo naman nasabi yan?

Erap: Mayroong Sabado de Gloria, Sagrado de Corazon, Domingo de Ramos. Bakit ako wala naging president din naman ako!
Cardinal: Sige, mula ngayon sa iyo na ang Ass Wednesday!

I guess my friend has a way of coping up the solemnity of Holy Week. As for me, I had the opportunity to reflect about Mama Mary’s “pain” at the balcony of the hotel room where we spent the Holy Thursday and Good Friday. The balcony is overlooking the neighboring townhouses surrounded by tall trees, along Amadeo main road. I felt the early morning breeze touching my skins, as I breathed its fresh air, and waited the full rays of the sun.

As I reflected on the significance of Good Friday, I remembered the movie “Passion of Christ” where Mama Mary witnessed helplessly Jesus accused of a crime, scourged at the pillar, carried and died on the Cross.

Recently, a newly found friend and office mate called me up and shared comments of another colleague about me, “Si Bogs, ang yabang! sobrang lakas ng dating”...etc...etc... My first reaction was more of a denial, “Why? What have I done? I’m sorry I can’t pleased everybody.” I felt my pride was pricked by the criticism. However, as I recalled what happened after our conversation, I thought of maybe there were truths to the feedback. Maybe I hurt my colleague in the manner how said something. I suddenly became uneasy and forewarned my staff to be careful dealing with that colleague of ours. Just last week, we had the opportunity to know better each other as a person and to let go of our ill feelings.

I remembered my mom, who used to spank me when I was a kid with either a slipper or a belt every time I misbehaved. Afterwards, she would force me to say sorry to her. Well, things change when I became an adult, we would engage in a heated argument to the point that I oftentimes shouted at her. Afterwards, I made sure I implicitly apologize to her by embracing her at night without saying sorry. I knew and felt her loved for me despite of being a prodigal son. She always thought of my well-being even in the last years of her life, “Kaya mo na ba anak pag-wala nako?”

It was December 24, 1999, when mommy passed away. When I saw her lying in the morgue, tears suddenly fell down in my eyes and I felt the stabbing pain in my chest that I can hardly breathe. A thought came to my mind, “Shit! hindi ko na pala makaka-usap si Mommy.” Then, I started shouting and crying and crying and crying...I remembered I kissed her and said goodbye in the morning before I left for work and told her, “sige gawa ka ng paborito mong fruit cocktail.”
I felt abandoned for the third time in my life loosing mommy. At first, my biological Father, whom I’ve never saw in my life. Second, my “Nanay” Presing, whom I failed to be in her deathbed. She had been very instrumental planting the seeds of my relationship with Jesus, filling in the shoes of my mother while she was away for business, and grooming to be neat, decent and presentable as a child.

I believe God will time and again allow me to experience these pains in the future so I can develop more my character as person and to continue glorify Him.